Trump for Pirate President?

I recently got a letter from Myron Goretzky at the ‘Coalition for National Referendum’ (CNR), trying to convince me that the Pirate Party should support Donald Trump for President.

In case you hadn’t noticed, the US Pirate Party (I’m assuming he means the US Pirate Party anyway, doubt a Pirate Party UK endorsement would get me fame and fortune — Note to Myron: Be More Specific in your sales pitch) hasn’t endorsed anyone, and there’s some history to that, so let me start by explaining that.

In January 2008 under my leadership, the US Pirate Party (USPP) endorsed President Obama’s candidacy. In discussions with his campaign, we were promised transparency, forward thinking evidence based agendas and issues. Six months later, we had to withdraw that endorsement. The reason was the FISA Amendments Act. Among other things, this gave retroactive immunity from prosecution for telecom companies that had participated in illegal and unconstitutional surveillance on the American people with the Bush National Security entities. This is a bad thing, as it gave companies a pass on violating the rights of the citizens just because the government asked nicely. Obama voted Yea, while Clinton voted No, and McCain didn’t vote. Under Obama we’ve had the expansion of surveillance, and the heavy prosecution of whistleblowers attempting to bring any sort of accountability to the Government — one of our key points — while attempting to undermine privacy — the second of our key points.

So now, it’s extremely unlikely that the US Pirate Party would endorse anyone as a whole; once bitten twice shy as the saying goes. Now it may be up to the state parties to decide for themselves if they want to endorse, but the national group, nope.

However, to the letter.

“Only under the most suspicious of circumstances will Donald Trump not be the Nominee of the Republican Party“ To restore Democracy under those circumstances we believe that Donald Trump should be, in conjunction with other Political Parties, the Presidential Nominee of the Pirate Party.

Suspicious? Hardly. While he may be a loud and rambunctious orator with a significantly outspoken support base, his support base is numerically not as large as its media impact would assume. Additionally, his bombastic rhetoric of falsehoods and insubstantial policy boasts (which mostly resort to ‘here’s an idea, I’ll think up some details later’ pronouncements) are matched only by his demagoguery-laden rants which may well appeal to emotions (hatred is an emotion) and stoke fear amongst those whose knuckles have carpet-burns, that their easy ride in life might be made harder by having to compete with better people.

Many people actually understand that if the Republican Primary were actually an series of The Apprentice, Mr Trump would be fired on week one because while he might have a decent sales attitude, his sales pitch is for a product he doesn’t have and could never deliver, all while his business plan is non-existent. Nor could he fall back on his wealth as a sign he knows what he’s doing, not when ‘letting someone else handle it’ would have resulted in perhaps three times as much, so he’s not exactly a great businessman either.

One of these is a spoilt rich kid whose parents didn’t love them enough to tell them ‘no’. Oooh, wait, that’s both of them…

Then there’s his mannerisms. He’s basically bullied his way through things, and that’s incredibly polarizing. It appeals to bullies, but alienates those who think the position of President should be filled by someone who isn’t a “moron with a Megaphone”, and a cowardly one at that. His petulant spat with Megyn Kelly over what were basic and obvious questions highlight his very unsuitability for office and his tantrums since, including his refusal to participate in a debate in case he should have to — god forbid — answer some more softball questions from her (it’s not like she’s asking complex policy questions) speaks incredibly poorly to his mental state and ability to deal with the most basic rigours of ANY public office.

So no, it’s not ‘the most suspicious of circumstances’, it’s actually more ‘the most probable of circumstances’. To paraphrase Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back, “He’s a one-note joke that only cowards cheer for, spouting catchphrases like a 3rd rate Ted Nugent or Rush Limbaugh. He’s Clown Shoes.

What reason could we possible have to endorse this pathetic egesta of a candidate?

This would enable the Pirate Party, in conjunction with other Political Parties, to receive the National coverage and fundraising comparable to the Democratic and Republican Parties.

Ah, so principles have nothing to do with why we should endorse him. We should endorse him not because his views align, but because that way we can get MONEY and PUBLICITY.

Is there anything sadder and more pathetic in this world than the wretched dregs of humanity who will say and do anything in order to get publicity or money? Prostituting one’s principles, integrity and self-respect because someone flashed some cash and a camera your way.

Frankly, I don’t know what’s worse, that there are probably those that would sell themselves for a mess of pottage, or that he thinks I’m one of them.

On the lighter side, anyone that did take up this foolish offer may wish they’d held out for more, as any coverage from the endorsement is likely to be minimal, and there’s liable to be no money magically winging its way to them. It’s not how it works.

We would like to list your name Website and/or email address on our Website,, in support of the following:
“Should Donald Trump NOT be the Nominee of the Republican Party then we support Donald Trump being the Presidential Nominee of the Pirate Party in conjunction with other Political Parties,”

I thought it was only ‘under the most suspicious of circumstances’ that he wouldn’t get the nod. So why do you want us to say anything? Could it be you’re hoping that if you get ‘someone’ you’ll get some of the attention you promise others?

Whichever way you try and spin it, it’s a pathetic attempt to try and drum up support for what is possibly one of THE most ridiculous and farcical candidatures in American politics (and that’s saying a lot).

Perhaps the ‘CNR’ would be better named “Can Not Read” because if they’d read anything about the Pirate Party, they’d know we’re not even in the same ballpark.

I will say this though Myron, you provided us with one hell of a laugh. The only thing the mollified us in that was that the fear that you’re serious in your support, and not just out for another cheap publicity stunt like your 1976 Presidential campaign.

As it stands, I’m afraid it’s a ‘No’ to the fabulous fame and wonderful wealth you promise. Integrity means too much to me, and there’s one particular phrase that sums up why to me:
“If you could be bought, you wouldn’t be worth the price they paid”
A person, group or organization who readily sells out their core beliefs, has no worth at all, and I do not consider myself worthless. Perhaps your email will land in the inbox of some worthless unprincipled soul, where you can pimp Verruca Salt’s candidacy to them. All I can say is that I pity them, for having fallen so hard to be so desperate. We, however, are not so desperate.

Myron, You’re Fired!

Andrew Norton
Chair, US Pirate Party

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